Looking back at 2012 and Looking forward to 2013

            Happy new year!  It’s been a while, I know.  We’ve had some big things going on in our life that have had me step away from the blog for a few months.  During that time, I found myself using Instagram more and more to journal the happenings of my life. I love the blog, but I found Instagram to be a faster and easier way for me to log my life lately.  Whether it be Thanksgiving with the family, black Friday shopping with the hubs, putting up our Christmas tree, going to see the final movie of the Twilight Saga, enjoying holiday date nights like Metamora or shopping downtown, taking the girls that I nanny for to kid-friendly holiday events around the city such as City Sidewalks or Jolly Days, going to see Christmas lights, staying in many nights to watch Christmas movies and the glow of our Christmas tree, being snowed in from the blizzard of 2012,  spending Christmas with the hubs or ringing in the new year with my love…..Instagram was there for me! 

 

 

 

            Those were all fun times that didn’t make it to the blog in 2012, but I’ve had good reason.  Here we go….I’m gonna be a little bit vulnerable and let you in on the main reason I’ve been off the blog lately, and why I am so looking forward to putting 2012 behind me and venturing into 2013.  You see, I’ve been going through some extensive hormone therapy for fertility the past few months, and staying off the blog was just one less stress to worry about during that time.  The truth is that we have spent much of 2012 struggling with infertility.  I can tell you that journeying through infertility has been the biggest heartache of my life.  I can’t explain to you the raw emotions that I have gone through this past year as this issue, for the first time in my life, was brought to my attention.  I am twenty-eight years old, and up until a few months ago, I never had any clue that I may not ever be able to feel a baby kick inside of me, hear its heart beat for the first time or go through the pain and joy of labor and delivery. There is a part of me that feels like I’ve had something taken from me that was never mine to begin with.  I have not mentioned this on my blog at all, and to be honest, I have not mentioned this to hardly anyone.  Only few people in our lives even know that this has been an ongoing struggle for us in 2012.  It took months of tests and blood work to find the exact problem with why we haven’t been able to conceive.  Once we found the problem, we started treating it with hormone therapy.  I started the hormone therapy in October, and it has literally made my body feel as if it has been pregnant for three months.  I’ve been nauseous, had horrible mood swings, been bloated,  struggled with fatigue, dealt with night sweats and gosh awful hot flashes, and worst of all I have had the weight gain.  All of these things were to be expected with the therapy.  I was told that some women gain 20lbs in three rounds of the therapy…..I’ve gained 15, and it sucks.  The hormone therapy did its job in getting my body to do what it needed to do to get pregnant, but the side effects of the medication actually interfered with another aspect of my infertility that I  have been dealing with, making it impossible for me to get pregnant with the hormone therapy alone.  The Friday before Christmas, I was told by my OBGYN that while miracles do happen, it is unlikely that I will ever be able to have a baby on my own, and she suggested IVF or IUI, both of those still require the hormone therapy.  I really can't explain to you what I felt in that moment, and I'm not going to try to put into words at this time.  I can tell you that we had already ruled out IVF from the beginning.  If we are going to spend 10k on having a baby, it will be for an adoption.  We have, however, considered IUI.   At this point my OBGYN has done all that she can do and has referred us to an RE.  We have an appointment with him next week to see if we want to continue down this journey of fertility treatments.  We are also working on getting an appointment with an adoption agency this month.  Adoption was always a first choice for us.  My husband is adopted, and it is something that is very important to us and close to our hearts.  We just always thought that we would have one or two biological children before we journeyed down the road of adoption.  It’s now been made clear to us that we have no idea where the road will take us.  Our job is just to pray and let God lead….no matter how much sorrow we come across along the way.

            So why am I sharing this with all of you now, you ask?  To be honest...I don't know.  I've kept this part of  my life really private up until now, but there is no denying that when I sit back and reflect on 2012, this journey has been a big part of our year and will probably be a big part of 2013 for us.   I'm not looking for sympathy.  Even when the few people who do know bring it up around me and show sympathy, I feel really awkward and the reality of my situation just seems to sting me a little more.  I know that is not their intentions, that's just the way it is.  I'm  also not looking for advice.  Honestly, that part can be a little annoying to me.  When people say have you tried this or have you tried that, I want to scream and say YES, I've tried it all and NOTHING works.  I especially don't want any "naturalist" out there telling me how bad medications are for me.  After trying everything natural, I found that I had no choice but to seek medical help.  I'm well aware of the side effects of medication.  If medication can help get  me pregnant, then the pros outweigh the cons in my opinion.   If anything, I think I seek your prayer.  Prayer for guidance in our decision making regarding fertility, and prayer that the Lord continues to give me strength and grace as we go through this journey.  I’m sure that I will eventually blog in detail about our journey through infertility.  Writing about it may even end up being a little theraputic for me, but hopefully it will also let others going through similar situations know that they are not alone. 

            

          As I enter a new year, I am anxious to see what God has for us.  Whether He has us get pregnant through IUI, begin the process of adoption or out of the blue blesses us with a miracle baby without the help of doctors, I know that He is in control of it all. The unknown is a scary thing, and I have no idea what is in store for us as we go into this next year.  I hold fast to the truths that I know are mine to claim as we continue to put one foot in front of the other and go down this path.  God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.  He knows all my tomorrows, and He’ll hold my hand along the way.  Happy new year everyone…..may God bless all of us in whatever way He sees fit in 2013.

Read More

The Day after the Elections

       

          My blog…it’s my little corner of the internet where I express myself.  Usually, it’s my creativity that gets expressed through one kind of a project or another.  That is also the reason why most of you read my blog, or at least that’s what my blog stats seem to prove.  My blog has also become my online scrapbook, a place where I can share thoughts and pictures of the happenings of my home and marriage.  That part of my blog is like a treasure to me.  I hope that someday my future children can look back at this blog and really get a sense of the love that Matt and I share in these early years of our marriage.  I don’t get paid to write my blog and impress my readers, so once in a while, my blog also becomes a place where I can just journal my ideas, thoughts, feelings and opinions on the everyday events of my life.  Today is one of those days…..

            Like many of you, my thoughts today have been all about the elections that took place in our country yesterday.  It’s hard to escape it really.  I mean, it’s all around us.  We live in a world of CNN, Facebook and Twitter.  Even while I was in Target this morning, the conversations of the elections were all around me. In a nation that is divided so clearly as ours is, I still think that there a few things that we can all agree on when it comes to politics.  And so that’s where my thoughts lead me today.  What are some things that we can all agree on? Is it even possible?  I think it is. 

            We may not all agree on political agendas, but I think that we can all agree on the following things:  1) Americans should educate themselves about political matters and vote.  Yesterday, I posted about Election Day, and hoped that all eligible voters hit the polls no matter which side of the ballot they were voting for.  I still stand by that.  I wholeheartedly believe that as an American, the right to vote is a freedom that should not be taken for granted.  I do, however, think that political matters should be taken seriously, and that voters should educate themselves before voting. People should know why they are voting for who they are voting for and have some conviction about it.  2) Agree to disagree.  Not everyone is going to agree with everyone….or there would be no need for elections.  I might see things one way, you might see things another way, and that’s ok.  I might even be really passionate about why I believe what I believe.   That doesn’t mean that it’s not ok for you to be passionate about what you believe.  At the end of the day, the beauty of living in a free country is that we have the right to our own opinions, political or not, and we have the right to express those opinions.  We certainly don’t have to argue and debate with everyone who doesn’t see eye to eye with us….unless of course you are a politician and that is your job.  3) Show some self control.  I think in our world of social media, this one can often become difficult.  At the end of the day, the bashing and name calling doesn’t do anyone any good.  In fact, it’s more than likely just causing unnecessary strife.  If you’re like me, you saw far too much of this on Facebook this year and were probably a little sick of it as the election neared.  For that reason, I didn’t really express myself too much politically on social media, but that doesn’t mean that you were wrong if you did.  Let me make it clear that I’m not saying that we shouldn’t express our beliefs and be proud of which ever political party we choose to side with.  It’s a free country….let’s express….let’s be proud.  I’m just saying, that perhaps we should have a little bit more grace about our expressions, and maybe go back to  point number two by agreeing to disagree a little more often.  And perhaps we should consider the appropriate time and place to express our political views.  Just a side note.....Thanksgiving dinner is probably not the time to express those views...lol.  Unless you happen to be part of a politically passionate family who sees eye to eye about everything.  I guess, then it would be ok..lol.  In my mind, I am seeing the typical American family throwing turkey legs across the table at this year's Thanksgiving dinner, and I'm thinkin' that's probably not a good thing.  Yep, that should definitely be avoided.  4) There’s no need to be hyper-sensitive. Again, social media has made this one a little more difficult.  It’s really hard to read someone’s post on Facebook and Twitter and not be offended by it….if we take it personally.  So I say, don’t take other people’s political point of views personally.   I think that sometimes all of us can read too much into other people’s comments, whether that be in casual conversation or in social media feeds.  At the end of the day, a person’s political views are not a reason to rid them of your life.  Ok, maybe that sentence was a little bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea.  So to sum it up, where are some issues that we can we all agree about politics?  Educate yourself about political views.  Be passionate about those views.  Feel free to express those views, while being courteous of other’s views.  And lastly, don’t take other’s views too personally. 

            So now what?  November 6, has come and gone….what now? Well, what’s done is done.  Not everyone is going to be happy with the outcome.  It’s quite natural to be sad if your candidate didn’t win.  I’ll be quite honest with you….I’m one of the sad ones.  I woke up to the results this morning and was really sad….maybe even a little mad if I’m honest.  Hey, I’m human, and my first reaction was, “Really, how did that happen?”   On an election that was likely to be determined by economic views, I was a little stunned with the results this morning.  Certainly, there were some moral issues on the line that more than concerned me, and as I have been open about my Christianity on my blog, it shouldn’t shock anyone that I would have those concerns.   Regardless of moral or religious issues, I really thought that the outcome would have been different based upon economics.   It is my opinion that the outcome of this election is not a good direction for the economy.  It is my opinion that it is one more step towards a socialist society.   Now, now…before that thought runs through your head, remember that this is my opinion, and that it is ok for me to politely express that opinion here on my blog.   I know that when I heard the results of the elections I also expressed my opinion, in a much more detailed and lengthy way, on my Facebook status this morning.  I't s a given that opinions are gonna be flying left and right the morning after an election.  What I didn't do was name call or bash others for not believing like me. You don’t have to agree with my opinion.  Perhaps you are someone who would be really sad if the other candidate would have won, and I say that’s ok.  If we really believe in what we say we believe in, then I think it’s quite natural to be sad that our candidate didn’t win….especially when this Presidential race, I think both sides would agree, was a turning point for our nation.  Having said all of that, the reality is that it’s November 7 now, and the people have spoken.  So now what?  Well, he’s still my President.  I may not agree with him, but I believe that it is my duty as a citizen and a Christian to respect him and pray for him as he takes on the enormous responsibility of leading a nation.

            That pretty much sums up my thoughts today.  I debated in my mind, as I usually do when writing posts this personal, whether to even blog about this topic.  The last thing that I wanted was to have my blog be some sort of political platform, which is why I haven’t written any political posts as the election neared. But when it came down to it, I decided that this was my blog…my corner of the internet….my place to express my views.  And when I really thought about it, I do desire to have my future children someday look back at my blog, come across this journal entry and see that I am not afraid to be proud to have conviction and passion about issues that I think really matter in our country.  Now that doesn’t mean that I am looking for all of your comments and opinions on this post.  Please, I’m not looking for a debate….this is my place to express myself, so be respectful of that.  The debates have come and gone.  What’s done is done.  The elections are over, and let’s leave it that.  In fact, I’d be thrilled if no one commented on this journal entry.   The last thing I want is for an anonymous commenter to pipe in and be rude…because let’s face it, most of the time it’s the anonymous commenters who are rude.  I think my fellow bloggers would agree with that. This has nothing to do with politics, but every time I get an anonymous comment on my blog I know that it’s going to be a critical comment.  Back to the issue though….at the end of the day, it’s all about learning to be civil while still having convictions, and that’s what I hope readers take away from this post.  

 

Read More

Election Day

 

     
            What a day!  As an American, I believe voting is a freedom that should not be taken for granted.  No matter who you voted for, I hope you expressed your freedom and VOTED today! We woke up at 4:30 to get out and vote before work this morning.  At the polls by 5:30, we waited  out in the cold thirty minutes before the doors opened. We did all that, so we could avoid a two hour wait later on in the day.  By 6:30, we rewarded ourselves with donuts from our town bakery, and then we were off to work.  I was out an about all morning and was very impressed with voter turnout.  Lines were clear out the door almost everywhere I looked.  The polls are now closed, and we are just now getting home from our workday.  What better way to spend the evening than watching the election in bed and eating…..Chinese takeout….yes, I know, it sounds like an oxymoron, but it’s our go-to takeout food.  It's the same way spent our evening when the dabates were broadcasted....lol.   Most Americans order pizza, but we tend to order Chinese;)

Read More

A Few Halloween Pics......

It’s November 1…. Halloween is over…… Thanksgiving is just three weeks away…… A month after that is Christmas….. And then soon after, another year will begin to do it all over again…..  Ugh, I don’t even want to think about that right now.  Where does time go?  In all seriousness, I hope you all had a great Halloween. Thought I’d post a few pics of the girls that I nanny for all dressed up in their Halloween costumes :)

 

Read More

Autumn in the Park......

 

         Over night…..that’s how fast it happens.  The warmth of the yesterday’s upper seventy degree temps have been overtaken by today’s lower forty degree temps.  Autumn is my favorite season, and yet it always seems short-lived.  Just two weekends ago, there was still quite a bit of green on the trees, and today as I look out my window, most of the leaves have fallen from the trees leaving behind branches that will be barren for the next six months.   I do love the colors of fall, but oh how I wish the colors would stay longer than they do!  I love nothing more than being outside in perfect weather with the beautiful colors of fall all around me.

         The weather has been perfect this week, and the forecast was letting us know to enjoy it while we could.  Wanting to enjoy what looked to be the last nice day for awhile, I sent my husband a text yesterday letting him know to meet me in the park after work.  As soon as I got off of work, I went home to grab the picnic basket, a blanket and a change of clothes for my love.  I had just enough time to make a quick stop to good ol’ Trader Joes to grab some items for our picnic dinner before the hubs met me for our date.   Surrounded by trees that still had a few autumn leaves left on their branches, we ate our dinner and enjoyed one another’s company in the comfortable temps of the autumn air.  Today those leaves have probably fallen, as a cold front blew in over night.  Today looks and feels more like winter.  With daylight savings time coming up soon, our evenings will be getting shorter too, so I’m really glad that yesterday we made time to have one last autumn night in the park.  There was no better way for us to spend the evening than being outside in God’s beauty and in one another’s company.

 

 

 

Read More

The Covered Bridge Festival

 

           This past Saturday, we traveled two hours west to Park County to visit the Covered BridgeFestival.  The Covered Bridge Festival is one of the largest festivals in Indiana where several towns in Park County celebrate the longevity of the thirty-one covered bridges in the area.  I’ve been an Indiana resident my whole life, but this was my first time attending the festival.  About an hour into our drive, we began our stretch of a two lane highway that passed through several small towns, all of which were having yard sales as the festival traffic made its way through.  I’ve never seen so many yard sales off of a small highway.  We didn’t stop at any, but note to self: remember to allow more time for the yard sales next time.  Once we arrived in Park County, we visited three town festivals: Rockville, Bridgeton and Mansfield.  Each town is full of food and different vendors selling all sorts of items.  Most of the food is like fair food, but there’s some good home cookin’ here and there if you look for it.  As we journeyed to and from towns, we stopped at the covered bridges along the way.  The county makes it easy to get from town to town by using signs and arrows to get you everywhere.  Just follow the arrows and you won’t get lost.  On the plus, parking for each town was only $2-4.  On the down side, we weren’t expecting the traffic that came with the large crowds that were out and about seeing what each town had to offer.  Overall, we had a good time and would definitely do it again:)  If you every visit Indiana in mid October, I’d recommend the Covered Bridge Festival.

 

Read More